The office — a place where a group of otherwise unrelated humans’ toil together in furtherance of a common goal.  Also a place rife with acrimony, hates, and occasionally, fist fights. 

Psychotherapist Katherine Crowley and business consultant Kathi Elster attempt to assuage the office rage with helpful tips and insights in their book Working with You is Killing Me: Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work, published by Warner Business Books.

Over 232 pages, the pair comment on the ubiquitous, quotidian problems involving incompetent colleagues, petulant bosses, and disputatious underlings.

They promise techniques to help “detach from annoying coworkers whose irritating habits ruin the day,” “defend yourself from idea-pilfering rivals” and “manage an ill-tempered boss before he or she explodes.”

Primarily, the book attempts to teach the practice of “unhooking,” after one finds that they have become “hooked” when a workplace members starts to get under the skin.  The
“unhooking” practice involves a physical, mental, verbal, and business tool component.   The precise avatar these unhooking activities take depends on the situation, but one may find themselves practicing deep breathing, self coaching, clever ripostes, and e-mail clarification, for example. 

The authors present many anecdotes involving unruly bosses and coworkers and some tips for handing each of the situations, along with a worksheet where one can work through their own problem, using the authors’ techniques.

Psychology reigns supreme in later chapters, including “If the Role Fits, You Don’t Have to Wear It.”  There, the authors describe a pastiche of personalities, including the hero, the caretaker, the rebel/scapegoat, the martyr, the entertainer, the peacemaker, and the invisible one.  The authors stress figuring out which role one plays and studying the corresponding “unhooking actions” associated with each role.

This type of psychological exercise continues in “Haven’t We Met Before? Fatal Attractions at Work” with the exploder, the empty pit, the saboteur, the pedestal smasher, and the chip on the shoulder. This chapter, however, concerns those personalities that often antagonize others at work and how to handle them—for each they present a strategy for detecting, detaching, depersonalizing, and dealing.  

The most interesting chapters come at the end.  Specifically, the authors provide a chapter entitled “Managing Up—Taking Control,” which details the practice of “managing the people in positions of authority above you.”  Novel and useful, the authors employ a variety of techniques to empower the employed to take the onus off management in the quest for a better, more efficient working environment. 

Citing the prevalence of poor managers and the varied reasons responsible for their ascension to power, the authors details a number of non aggressive strategies for building a better (and less irritating) relationship with bosses, including some well worded questions, some logistical practices, and some promising principles of action.

The pair give managers similar schooling in “Managing Down—Business Parenting” and recite a few cold, hard facts like “employees will test their environment” and other compassion-inducing psychology lessons.

From the chronically late to the cynic (and even the thief) the book provides a strategy for dealing with each, with a focus on business tools and an understanding of the psychology of the troublesome employee.

Without a doubt, there will be some scenario in this book with which anyone can identify. And although I found some of the labeling methodology (the hero, the martyr, etc.) to be a little too limiting to encapsulate many situations, the information is helpful nonetheless. 

I was most impressed with the positive approaches presented for managing a hierarchical relationship (e.g. boss-employee and vice versa).  I thought the information presented was both fair and constructive.

Of course, in the end, having successful relationships at work essentially centers around controlling one’s attitude and reactions and fostering productive, benevolent communication.  Here, the authors add some insights to the process and present some real-world examples to apply it.

It’s noteworthy, as well, that they authors admit that sometimes it’s best to jump ship and find a more copasetic corporate culture.  They concede that some situations aren’t fixable and some people are just incorrigible.

Overall, this book will likely provide a new lens for navigating problems in the workplace, and supply a little hope for the process.